just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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