I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
