He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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