Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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