do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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