I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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