one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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