ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
