Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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