my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize