roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
