This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
