he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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