JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
