Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
