He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize