u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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