no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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