Buhtt sex?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
