Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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