We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
