Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
