There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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