is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
