I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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