im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
