fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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