He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
