Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
