blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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