why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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