Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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