we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
