drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
