sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
