I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
