So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we're making bets on your personal life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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