Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
