He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize