the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
