All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
