I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
