you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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