My room smells like vodka and shame
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
