don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
