I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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