If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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