I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
