The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
