Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
