I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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