Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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