Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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