I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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