when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
