oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
