you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
