We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i will never coherently bang her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
