Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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