it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
