Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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