Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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