I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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