I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
