It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
