When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
