Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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