come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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