I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So apparently I’m into choking now
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